Christmas lights burnout

Fun photos

A bit of tool, as in workshop, humor

Tools Explained:

ELECTRIC WIRE BRUSH: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes skin and hard-earned calluses  in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

cool has a new meaning

Jack Benny joke

I just got off the phone with a friend in North Dakota. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing.

 

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day.

 

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Dinner at my house

photos by Rachel Bee Porter

Merry Christmas

Rachel McAdams and Lindsey Lohan in Mean Girls

Great whale rescue story

The Whale... If you  read a recent front page story of the San  Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about  a female humpback whale who had become entangled in  a spider web of crab traps and lines. She  was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of  traps that caused her to struggle to stay  afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope  wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth. A fisherman spotted her just  east of the Farallon Islands (outside the  Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group  for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team  arrived and determined that she was so bad off,  the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle  her. They worked for hours with curved knives and  eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers  say she swam in what seemed like joyous  circles. She then came back to each and every  diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them  gently around as she was thanking them. Some  said it was the most incredibly beautiful  experience of their lives. The guy who cut  the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never  be the  same.

Katy Perry on The Simpsons Christmas special

The last few minutes of the show was a Muppets segment. Very clever and funny. You can watch the entire episode, for awhile, on Hulu.com.

Animated Bach

There are two kinds of people, those chasing pleasure and those running from pain. Pleasure helps you forget, but pain forces you to hope.

Robert Cormier

George Carlin - People are Boring

New Yorker cartoon

Impresive amazing stunts and athletic feats

John Cleese in Faulty Towers

Faulty Towers, episode #7, "Communication Problems."
Faulty Towers is one of the best sitcoms ever.

Jimmy Kimmel spoofs Charlie Sheen's publicist

Charlie Sheen made headlines again when he was found naked and drunk in a trashed NYC hotel room. On "Jimmy Kimmel Live," Kimmel had some fun sympathized with Sheen's publicist.




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Stop-action animation commercial - interior of house gets knitted

Aardgas Gaz Naturel by Lovofilms
The inside of the house gets a wool knitting to keep warm.

Forkless bicycle with floating front wheel

Phantom Bike by Olli Erkkila